May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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