Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
