Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My life is pants optional.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
