i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
