the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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