Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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