i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize