I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
