I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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