No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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