u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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