oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
