time to smoke my breakfast
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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