i think my tv is drunk
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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