then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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