sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
