i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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