I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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