and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
