Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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