toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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