i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
