Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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