Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
