u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
