Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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