My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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