i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
