my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize