Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize