I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
