garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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