she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
