He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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