I want to walk on stilts...naked
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize