ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
