i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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