I must be too annoying 4 u.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
