honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
