Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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