I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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