she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
