I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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