Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the condom got lost in my hair
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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