so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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