Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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