i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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