I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
