then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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