is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
