Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
