She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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