I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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