i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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