Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
