It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
