dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
