Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
