he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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