there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
