He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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