you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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