I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
