His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
