Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
