Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
