Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
